


You and me and everything in between

by sinfuldesire_archivist



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, First Time
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-05-05
Updated: 2011-04-19
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:11:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 13,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8702455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinfuldesire_archivist/pseuds/sinfuldesire_archivist
Summary: What would the Winchesters be like if Dean had been a little more into normal and Sam a little more into his older brother?





	1. First anniversary

**Author's Note:**

> Note from the Sinful Desire archivists: this story was originally archived at [Sinful-Desire.org](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Sinful_Desire). To preserve the archive, we began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2016. We e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact us using the e-mail address on [Sinful Desire collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/sinfuldesire/profile).
> 
>  **Author's notes:** It's a series of snapshots into the boys lives and not necessarily in chronological order

  
Author's notes: Dean is 32 and Sam is 28  
*************************************  


* * *

The sun’s barely up yet and Dean’s wondering sleepily what exactly woke him up. As the seconds tick down he notices the lack of his sasquatch shaped blanket covering his chest, no curly brown locks snuggled against his neck, nothing, absolutely nothing! In any other circumstances, he would have freaked at his brother’s disappearance act if he suddenly didn’t realize his lover’s whereabouts – there’s hot, wet heat engulfing his cock, then his balls, one after the other, nuzzling and cherishing the fuzzy skin before returning to his cock, slurping and licking the crown before taking him deep. Dean’s not fully awake yet and can’t censure his moaning and groaning. He feels desire coiling low in his belly, the feel of Sam’s loving worship of his cock takes him over the edge- he comes and comes and comes some more down his brother’s throat. He’s sated and content as he feels the agile tongue licking him clean. His recent orgasm makes him drowsy. Sleeps settles in quickly but not before hearing Sam’s outrage ‘Been blowing the asshole for 2 hours and he can’t even say thank you…’

 

 

When Dean awakes for the second time around it’s to the mouth watering smell of bacon and hash browns. He stretches a bit, working his kinks out before getting up and heading to the bathroom to relieve himself. As he exists the bathroom, he ignores his vibrating pager in favor of joining his baby for breakfast. Minutes later he’s standing quietly in the kitchen’s entryway watching his brother cooking and singing softly to himself – not Metallica or any of his mullet rock bands that Sammy finally realized was REAL music but a love song, their song love. Dean can’t help the silly grin that takes over his face.

 

 

“Shut it Dee or you ain’t getting any for awhile” Dean’s grin morphs into a smirk, because really? Who is his Sammy trying to fool?

 

“Can’t help but think that my little wifey looks good cooking for me” Dean teases, wrapping his arms around his lover’s body, nuzzling the side of Sam’s neck.

 

“Fuck you!! You ungrateful little prick!” Sam grumbles blushing slightly as he flips Dean off.

 

“Does this *feel* little to you, baby?” Dean growls against Sam’s skin, rubbing his half hard cock against Sam’s ass. “Especially when you can’t keep your hungry mouth or ass away from my dick…” Dean murmurs as he pushes Sam’s legs apart.

 

“You fell back asleep, you asshole” Sam pouts as he pushes the plates filled with food to the side. “Feel like maybe you don’t want me no more…” He continues insecurity clear in his voice before bending over the kitchen counter.

 

“Fell back asleep cuz you blew me away, love…” Dean whispers as his hands roam freely over Sam’s body. “I’ve wanted you forever Sammy…” he murmurs as he unties Sam’s ‘Kiss the cook’ apron. “You drive me crazy…” he rubs his leaking cock over Sam’s ass, pushing the man to completely bend over the kitchen counter. “Mr. cooking in the nude…”

 

“Prove it, Dee” Sam replies throatily, grinding his ass back against Dean’s cock. “Show me how you mean it!” Sam demands.

 

“Get on your knees then!”

 

 

Dean’s on his knees in the shower just enjoying the feel of Sam’s thick shaft in his mouth, licking and slurping around the hard gorgeous flesh. Sam’s nails dig harshly into his shoulders as the younger man tries to hold on, legs weak and unstable after the pounding Dean gave him, proving how much he needed and wanted Sam over and over and over again. Dean looks up, eyes alight with desire as he watches his Sammy slowly losing his mind, the fingers of his left hand are playing with Sam’s hole, in a in and out motion. The puckered flesh is tender and loose from Dean’s rigorous devotion – fingers, tongue, cock and repeat! The digits of his right hand draw invisible patterns over the sharp of Sam’s hipbone over the black tattoo covering Sam’s flesh, a simple small ‘D’. Egged on by the cries coming from above, Dean uses what Sam likes to call his ‘hoover’ technique. In a matter of seconds Dean’s mouth is filled with come that he savors slowly, enjoying the taste. When he’s done, he kisses Sam’s cock, his tattoo and his heart before settling into his plush mouth sharing his taste, minutes pass before they finally pull away both flushed and breathless. Dean hums as he circles Sam to turn off the shower.

 

 

“Not so fast Sparky!” Sam says voice fucked out and raw as Dean closes the now cold water.

 

“What is it Dear…” Dean jokes winking at the younger man.

 

“Funny!” Sam snaps, bitch face now in place. “But that blow job only lasted 1h40 minutes and you own me 2 hours Dean…”

 

“Dude?! I gave the 2 hours back and then some!” Dean argues disbelievingly. 

 

“Tongues in asses doesn’t count for fellatio baby…” Sam smirks wriggling his eyebrows.

 

 

Sam tries to stay asleep even as Dean’s pager goes off, it’s the middle of the night after all, he still has a couple more hours to sleep before he needs to head to the office and review the O’Connor case. But as Dean’s body leaves the bed, he already feels cold and lonely. He keeps his eyes closed until he feels Dean kissing each of his fingers tenderly.

 

“Dee, are you actually kissing my fingers?” Sam teases rubbing his eyes with his free hand. He doesn’t need the light on to know that Dean has the deer caught in the headlights look.

 

“What? NO!” Dean grumbles trying to get off the bed and let go of Sam’s hand but Sam isn’t having any of that.

 

“Huh, huh…’ Sam mumbles pulling Dean’s clothed body over his. Locking eyes with the older man, Sam copies his lover’s earlier affection by pulling Dean’s hand to his lips, kissing each one of his fingers before licking and sucking on the silver band on Dean’s ring finger. Dean kisses his eye lids, his cheekbones ,his nose before settling onto his lips, nibbling gently on them.

 

“Gotta go baby…” Dean whispers apology in his voice as he pulls away from Sam’s mouth.

 

“Don’t wantcha to leave yet…” Sam pleads pulling Dean’s mouth over his again, Sam’s arms encircle Dean’s body pulling him ever closer to him. He grinds his bare cock over Dean’s clothed one, moaning low in his throat.

 

“Gonna make it up to you, love…” Dean growls, pushing down on Sam’s hips, grinding their cocks harder together. “Gonna pound your sweet ass so good.” Dean hisses as Sam pulls his jeans down, pulling his cock free. They move and grind beautifully before going over the edge.

 

“Love you Dr. Winchester…” Sam murmurs against Dean’s lips as his fingers trace over Dean’s hipbone, over the simple, small ‘S’ tattooed on the flesh.

 

“Happy anniversary, love…”


	2. Dean's birthday

  
Author's notes: Dean turns 8 and Sam is 3  
*********************************  


* * *

Dean doesn’t really want to get up…He’s not sulking cuz that’s what little kids do – they sulk when they don’t get their way. Dean’s not sulking, he’s angry and maybe a little bit sad if the tears rolling down his cheeks are anything to go by…It’s his birthday today, he knows he hadn’t had one of those since he was 4 years old and he misses it something fierce. Not just the cakes and the toys and going to Chuck-E Cheese, but his dad’s gruff voice saying ‘Happy Birthday Deano’ while ruffling his hair. Instead of that what he got today was ‘Don’t leave the apartment ‘till I get back and watch out for Sammy’. After remembering his father’s casual dismissal, Dean is suddenly angry, angry at his little brother – the little brat! It’s always about him and never about Dean. Deep down Dean knows that’s not true – most of the time anyway, but right now all he sees is red. When he pokes his head out of the covers there’s no sign of Sammy in sight – not playing with his toys next to the bed, nothing! The anger that captured Dean earlier suddenly morphs into fear…he has a vague idea of what his dad hunts and the thought of Sammy being taken makes him sick to his stomach. It’s with that thought in mind that he leaps out of bed. Even with all the restless energy pumping through his small body he knows he has to be quiet during his search – like a ninja! Every room has been checked except for one and as he discreetly heads towards the kitchen fearing the worst… What he actually stumbles upon is anything but…Irrational anger bubbles through Dean again.

 

“SAM!!!” he screams so loudly that the 3 year old boy standing on the kitchen counter stumbles and falls. The wailing that start shortly after doesn’t faze Dean one bit when staring down at the battlefield that used to be the kitchen. Cereal covers the floor; the milk cartoon is upside down – dripping from its spot on the table, crayon lines cover the wall and floor. And yeah, Dean feels like crying again. No he is crying right now because he’s the one who’s going to have to clean that mess up. 

 

Dean suddenly feels small arms encircling his body followed by a snuggling face against his chest smearing snot and everything.

 

“M’sorry Dee…No cry…” Sammy whispers voice still heavy with his tears. And Dean wants to point out that he was NOT crying that crying is for girls and babies. But instead he wraps his arms around his brother holding on tight.

 

“It’s okay Sammy” Dean mumbles because it is okay. It’s his baby brother after all.

 

“Dee! Dee! Dee!” Sammy chants excitedly tears long forgotten.

 

“I subrise for you!” When Dean let’s Sam wiggle out of his arms, he realizes that he did in fact miss the surprise. Sure there’s milk and cereal on the floor but there’s some in 2 bowls too. There’s Oreo cookies and apple juice –mixed together and smeared on the kitchen counter, the crayon lines actually lead to a drawing that has been miraculously saved from the overflowing sea of milk – 2 strange looking characters hold hands, one with blond hair and the other with curly brown locks. Both stand around what looks like a pizza or a really freaky cake.

 

“Happy Birdday Dee!” Sammy squeals delightedly proud of himself.

 

“Thanks Sammy…” Dean whispers wiping at his eyes because this is all he wanted out of today, to have someone remember, to have someone care… 

 

“No happy with Sammy, Dee?” Sammy mumbles his bottom lip quivering at seeing his big brother in tears.

 

“Come here Sammy…” Dean says opening his arms for his brother again.

 

“I wove you Dee!” Sammy murmurs contently as he cuddles closer into his brother’s warmth.

 

“I love you too, Sammy….”


	3. I wanna know you to understand

  
Author's notes: Dean is 13 and Sam is 9  
********************************  


* * *

‘One, two, one, two’ Sam repeats mentally as he runs through their daily drills. ‘One, two, one, two’ Sam continues to chant feeling the tendrils of fatigue settling through his body. ‘One, two, one, two’ Sam stares straight ahead past the blaring glare of the sun to where he supposes Dean is, meters and meters away from him. Sam tries to run faster, tries to lessen the ever growing gape between them. As Sam stares at his brother’s disappearing form, he wishes suddenly to be more like Dean, athletic and beautiful. He wants easy popularity, a quick mind that would make him excel, strength that would make him a force to be reckon with…It’s with those thoughts in mind that Sam’s world suddenly goes black.

 

When Sam comes back to, he’s laying under a tree away from the glaring rays of the sun.

 

“Sammy, you fainted you wuss” Dean teases, although his voice is light, the worry is clear – His brows are furrowed and his lips are thinned in a straight line. Sam stares at his brother for what feels like forever, feeling like a dork for embarrassing himself in front of Dean.

 

“Here, drink this” Dean says snapping his fingers in front of Sam’s face while giving the younger boy his bottle of water. Sam starts to drink almost immediately, too eagerly and starts coughing water.

 

“Easy champ” Dean says easing his brother up into a sitting position. “Did you eat anything today?

 

“I wasn’t really hungry…”Sam answers weakly.

 

“Did you drink before we started doing our laps?” Dean asks, feeling exasperated when he sees his younger brother nod in the negative.

 

“Sammy…” Dean starts. “You know how important it is to eat when you exercise, low blood sugar while training? Not cool dude AND being dehydrated at the same time? Really lame…”

 

“I’m sorry ok…”Sam replies quickly. “ I didn’t want to disappoint dad” ‘or you’ Sam thinks guiltily. 

 

“Don’t worry about dad, I’ll handle him” Dean says while ruffling his brother’s hair. “Can you move your left leg?” Dean asks voice serious again.

 

Sam tries and gasps “Ow! Cramp…”

 

“Serves you right for being an idiot…” Dean states as he rolls up Sam’s jogging pants to start massaging his left calf. They stay in silence for awhile, enjoying the weather and the calmness of their surroundings. After awhile, Sam starts to feel unease under Dean’s nimble fingers, he feels some sort of fluttering in his stomach, like butterflies. But why would he feel butterflies, he’s not presenting a project in front of his 4th grade class…

 

“Take a picture, it’ll last longer!” Dean’s voice interrupts the younger boy’s musing making Sam flush a bright red after realizing he’d been lost in thought staring at his older brother’s face.

 

“Whatever, jerk!”

 

“mmm..” Dean nods absentmindedly, mind back to his massage.

 

“Do you like it?” Sam asks suddenly breaking the peaceful silence.

 

“What? Touching your bony leg? Not really!” Dean snorts, pinching Sam’s leg playfully.

 

“No, I meant hunting…”

 

“Why are you asking?” Dean stops his soothing hand motion, hand hovering over Sam’s leg.

 

“Dunno…”Sam continues shyly. “Dad says you’ll be hunting with him full time pretty soon.”

 

“As if…” Dean whispers eyes now far away.

 

“Do you…even like hunting?” Sam’s eyes are trying to read his brother’s body language.

 

“Sammy…”

 

“Just answer me!” Sam asks. ‘I want to know you better’ is left implied.

 

“Why?” Dean’s tone is neutral, giving nothing away.

 

“Because you’re good…No, great at it…and you’re my brother, I want to know you…”

 

“I don’t like it…” Dean finally answers. “Not at all.”

 

“Then why,” Sam starts.

 

“Because I understand the need to protect family, but that don’t mean I like hunting…” Dean says trying to find the right words. “I want a life for myself, a life for you…”

 

“But…”

 

“Dad wasn’t always like this you know, obsessed I mean. He used to care…” Dean explains voice soft.

 

“He does care…”

 

“I know he does, Sammy…But when he lost mom it’s like he died too.” Dean whispers, running his hand through his hair before settling it back on Sam’s leg. “He wasn’t prepared and he blames himself even though it wasn’t his fault…” Sam stays silent, speechless while hearing his brother’s confession but also honored to be trusted like that.

 

“And I don’t want it to happen to me…I don’t think I could stand losing someone I loved like that…”Dean’s voice breaks slightly. 

 

“I have to be prepared, cuz I never wanna lose you, Sammy…” Dean murmurs fingers playing with his ever present amulet.

 

Sam feels his heart beat faster after hearing his brother’s words, he feels warm to the very tip of his soul. Looking at his brother’s profile, Sam has the urge to hug Dean tight and never let go, to peck him on the lips like they used to when they were younger that spoke of affection and love.

 

“I know Dee…” ‘I never wanna lose you, either’ Sam thinks putting his hand over his brother’s and squeezing it tight.


	4. Towards Dean

  
Author's notes: It's from Bobby's pov, at the beginning Dean is 5 years and Sam is 10 months old at the end they are 9 and 5 years old  
****************************************  


* * *

Delighted squeals could be heard from outside and Bobby Singer couldn’t help the smile that took over his usually serious face. Bobby wasn’t a religious man, for his faith had been tested years before, when his late wife died at the hands of a supernatural creature, but non the less, he thanked God everyday for bringing John Winchester into his life. The man had nothing to do with it and more often then not Bobby just hitched to shoot the bastard with rounds of rock salt. But the children shaped luggage the other man carried around with fierce protectiveness was what made Bobby change his mind. He would lay his life on the line for these children no questions asked. He still remembered the first time he met the lot. Dean had just turned five; he was a quiet and guarded child, still adjusting to a life without a mother. Sam who was around 10 months old, was a chubby, bubbly baby. Both boys sat on the floor always close to their Daddy, while the latter sat on the couch drinking coffee. The boys were drawing; well Dean was, while baby Sammy seemed content chewing on some crayons.

 

“Dad…” Dean had asked, breaking the adult’s conversation. “Is it okay if I go to the bathroom?”

“Sure Sport…”John replied smiling slightly. “Remember where it is?” The child nodded and stood up.

 

As soon as Dean left the room, baby Sammy started to sniffle, tasty crayons long forgotten. He opened and closed his small fists asking as only babies do to be picked up. The quiet sniffles turned into cries, fat tears rolling down Sammy’s cheeks. John leaned over his seat preparing to settle the youngling on his lap, but baby Sammy had other things in mind as he started to crawl away from his father’s outstretched arms and towards the direction his brother was last seen. Both adults watched dumbfounded as the small child crawled his way to the corner table. He changed his crawling position to a more kneeling one and grabbed onto the top of the table with his small hands. He pulled himself up on wobbly legs and started unsteadily to walk towards the hallway. His steps were small and unstable and his cries were gone, he was on a mission. The mission took a turn south when baby Sam was startled from his concentration by the reappearance of his missing brother.

 

“Sammy!” Dean gasped rounding the corner to see his baby brother wobbling towards him. The call made young Sam jump and lose his footing, falling on his cushioned bum. 

 

Bobby could see from the corner of his eye, that John expected his youngest to start crying again but to everyone’s surprise, he just squealed and lifted his arms up, making small fists opening and closing them again towards his brother.

 

“Dee!” The baby squealed. “Dee!”

 

At his name being called Dean seemed to snap out of whatever daze he was on, and Bobby witnessed something precious, something that made him wish he had had the time to have kids of his own.

 

“Sammy! You can walk!” Dean giggled pulling his baby brother up.

 

“Dee!” Sammy squealed again wrapping his baby arms around his brother’s waist.

 

 

Another rounds of squeals brought Bobby back to the present as he watched 5 year old Sam running towards his big brother’s open arms. As Sam reached his brother, Dean wrapped his arms around him and started spinning them around on the grass, Bobby’s dogs yapping happily from the youngsters antics.

 

“Faster Dee! Faster!” Sam squealed happily.

 

“Anything you want Sammy!” Dean replied breathless with laughter.

 

Bobby Singer still questioned his faith, but he thanked the lord everyday for keeping those boys safe. And as long as the boys had each other, he figured that everything would be alright.


	5. Coming home to you

  
Author's notes: This chapter is dedicated to my good friend atsugari8 whom I met on lj awhile back, if it wasn't for her I probably wouldn't be writing this verse...Thanks sweetie!

Dean is 30 and Sam is 26  
****************************  


* * *

The early morning sun was already illuminating the parking lot. Soft rays of orange and yellow played in the scenery. Everything was quiet and peaceful, the only sounds that could be heard were the birds chirping in the distance. As Dean leaves the hospital grounds, he could feel the adrenalin that kept him going leave his body, leaving him drained and completely exhausted. Don’t get him wrong, he loves his job, loves the precision he needs when handling the human heart, loves being able to leave the surgery room knowing he saved another life but sometimes being stuck with the graveyard shift sucked! He’d rather pull his own arm out then to admit it to Sam, the big sap but he misses waking up next to his Sammy every morning. He misses his welcome weight pressing into his chest as they sleep during the night; he misses his soft snores and even the puddle of drool he often leaves on his night shirt…The vibration of his cell phone pulls him away from his sappy thoughts.

 

Mornin D, missed u last night- Sammy

 

As he reads the words, Dean can feel warmth spreading through his body, he feels relief knowing he wasn’t the only one missing their regular routine, a.k.a morning sex. It’s with a somewhat bouncy step that Dean makes his way to the Impala.

 

“Come on girl, it’s time to take daddy home” Dean says caressing the hood of his car before entering it. 

 

The drive home is short and sweet, the early morning makes it easier to navigate through the city. At the sight of their house, a sense of contentment fills Dean’s being, this is it; this is what forever feels like.

 

He enters their home, closing the door quietly behind himself. He drops his bag next to the closet and pulls off his shoes. He breezes through the kitchen grabbing an apple before making his way up the stairs. Seeing their unmade bed makes Dean drowsy, if he had half a mind, he’d join Sam in the shower but as it is, he probably wouldn’t be able to get it up, although the twitching in his pants says otherwise. Sam did always look like sex on legs, naked and dripping wet.

 

Dean absentmindedly pulls his clothes off, till he wears nothing but his amulet, before he dives under the covers, on the left side of the bed, Sam’s side. He buries his face in the covers overwhelmed by the smell of his lover. He closes his eyes surrounded by the smell of his Sammy. He must have dozed off because when he opens his eyes again, Sam is laying on his side facing him, fully dressed and ready to head to work. Sam smiles softly at him before reaching out, right hand touching his face, fingers playing with his reddish stubble.

 

“Sap…” Dean mumbles, turning his face more into the caress.

“Jerk…” Sam whispers leaning in to kiss him.

“Bitch…” Dean answers without thought as he meets him halfway.

 

The kiss starts off slow and gentle, a simple meeting of lips. Dean’s arms automatically wrap themselves around his lover’s waist, hands grabbing Sam’s clothed ass, bringing the younger man closer and then on top of him. Sam moans happily at the sudden change of position, grinding his hips, seeking friction for his erect cock. 

 

“Dee…” Sam gasps, hands greedily pulling at the covers to feel Dean’s bare skin under his fingertips. Their mouths are open now, tongues fighting together, meeting and greeting each other.

 

“mmm…Sammy…” Dean growls low in his throat as Sam plays with his nipples, pulling and playing with the buds. Sam’s fingers dances across freckled skin, touching toned abs before lowering to the trail of coarse hair leading to an engorged cock. It’s with a knowing hand that Sam grips the thick cock, stroking hard and fast in an upward motion never forgetting to tease the leaking tip, smearing pre-come along the shaft before going down nice and slow. Sam shifts slightly never breaking their kiss to start rubbing his clothed cock into the groove of Dean’s hip.

 

“Come on Dee, give it to me…” Sam pants against his lover’s mouth. It doesn’t take long before Dean goes over the edge, Sam following close behind. Sam makes a tight circle with his hand, pulling out every last drops of Dean’s seed before bringing it to his mouth and licking his fingers clean.

 

“Such a dirty little slut…” Dean growls grabbing Sam by the hair and pulling him back for a hungry kiss, sharing his taste between them.

 

“Only for you babe…” Sam mocks kissing Dean again before rolling off him and getting out of bed. 

 

“And seriously you need to stop making me come in my pants dude…” Sam bitches pulling off his pants and boxers. “This is an Armani suit you know…” Dean smirks staring at Sam’s naked ass as he looks into their closet for another pair of slacks.

 

“Come here…” Dean says voice a little gruff as he sees Sam heading into the bathroom to clean up. Sam chuckles to himself before setting his clean slacks onto the dresser before unbuttoning his dress shirt letting it fall down his toned arms, leaving it behind on the back of a chair. He sways his hips slightly, seductively, knowing his cock bobs up and down with the motion before he starts crawling back into their bed and towards his awaiting lover. He crawls up Dean’s body, till he straddles the older man’s chest, hands reaching out to hold the headboard. He stares into his brother’s eyes as Dean lowers his head and starts licking his cock clean, his cock twitches and lengthens in Dean’s wet and hot mouth. His eyes are locked into Dean’s, staring at way he takes him deeper and deeper, he smiles when he sees one of Dean’s fingers join his cock, he knows what’s in store for him and his hole clenches in anticipation. Soon enough, he feels Dean’s finger playing with his rim, teasing the puckered flesh before going in. He pushes forward to get more of Dean’s mouth and backwards into his finger as his prostate is stimulated over and over again.

 

“Oh God…” Sam gasps before coming down Dean’s throat, feeling his cock jerk and spasm into the tight canal. Dean grins after pulling off making a show of swallowing before leaning forward and biting a bruise into Sam’s tattooed hip. Seconds pass before Dean pulls back smiling at his work, the skin surrounding the letter ‘D’ is marred with bruises old and new ones. Sam smiles as he touches the skin reverently before sliding down his brother’s body, laying completely on top of him, chest to chest. Sam pulls his head up and kisses his brother, tongue lapping up his taste until the only thing he can taste is Dean. He pulls back and buries his head in his lover’s neck, breathing him in. Dean wraps his arms around the younger man, his fingers making soothing motions on his back.

 

“Not that I’m not enjoying this… but don’t you have to head to the office?” Dean whispers before kissing Sam’s hair, feeling the brown locks tickle his nose.

 

“Screw it…I’m calling in sick…” Sam says not even bothering to lift his head from the crook of his lover’s neck. Dean stays silent for awhile, just enjoying the feel of Sam in his arms, where he belongs.

 

“Hey Sammy…” Dean murmurs into Sam’s hair.

 

“mmm…”Sam answers sleepily.

 

“I love you…”

 

“I love you too Dee…” Sam murmurs back, lips pressing into Dean’s skin, leaving a chaste kiss behind.


	6. January 24th

  
Author's notes: Dean turns 16 and Sam is 11 almost 12 ************************************************************************************************************  


* * *

Sam’s restless in his seat, knees bouncing crazily under his desk, gangly legs twisting in awkward angles making his desk shake every few minutes. He’s a restless ball of energy, if he had the power to control time and space, he’d totally make that damn clock work faster, because seriously? That thing must be working backwards; it’s been 3h00 P.M for at least five minutes, Sam’s sure of it. The students around him are busily writing down what Mrs. Adams is saying, whatever that might be. It’s funny really, he feels somewhat like a character straight from a Charlie Brown cartoon, from his seat he can see Mrs. A talking but for the life of him, he can only hear an annoying string of ‘Blah, Blah, Blah’. The thought makes him snicker which gets him a disapproving glare from his teacher. As weird as it sounds, he couldn’t care less if he did disrupt the class because strangely enough, he can actually hear Dean’s approving voice in his head saying ‘See Sammy? I told ya, you can be a geek and still totally rock’. At the thought of his brother, Sam feels the ever present string of butterflies making it’s way into his stomach. A quick look at the clock tells him he still has 20 minutes to go before class is dismissed. Which gives him roughly an hour to bike to the bakery store and get Dean’s birthday cake , head to the video store to rent a couple of movies and start diner. Really he has time to spare…NOT! 

 

“So remember class, read from pages 112 to 130, there will be a pop quiz come Monday…” Mrs. A says to her 6th grade class. Sam mutters a small prayer as he starts packing his stuff just about ready to head out. “And Sam Winchester, would you please wait at my desk, I have to talk to you…” She continues as more then half the class darts straight out the door.

 

‘Great, just Great’ Sam thinks making his way to the front of the class. Mrs. Adams takes her time, erasing the board and packing their homework to correct at home during the weekend, all the while Sam fights with himself not to actually start screaming.

 

“See how it feels to be ignored” She starts out of nowhere. Sam nods slightly feeling guilty. “You see Sam, I know that you’re a very, very bright student and that this class is a little slow pace for you…”

 

“No, it’s fine Mrs. A really…” Sam cuts off quickly.

 

“No it’s not Sam, you’re a bright student, and I don’t want you to fall into delinquency just because the administration was too dumb to make you skip a grade …” Sam’s speechless at the praise, not really used to being complemented by anyone other than his brother.

 

“You’ll have to take a placement test just to make sure but between you and me? I can easily see you being in the 8 or even 9th grade in the fall…” Mrs. A is smiling now which is a rare occurrence for the fifty-something teacher.

 

“I’ll think about it, if that’s ok with you…I just…”Sam feels torn, he wants to, hell, he knows Dean would want that for him, I mean if it wasn’t for his older brother, Sam wouldn’t be this far ahead, I mean how often do you see an 8 year old boy teaching his four year old baby brother how to read. But at the same time hasn’t their dad always drilled into their heads the importance of keeping a low profile…

 

“Take your time Sam; I only expect an answer from you by the end of next month…”

 

 

Sam’s journey back home is made in a daze, his mind mulling over the pros and cons of skipping a grade or two. It would be totally awesome, he has no doubt about that but he’d probably become the social pariah of High school. He’d get bullied or something, but then again, he’d be with Dean and that alone is the highlight of this whole deal. He’d be able to see his brother in the hallways and maybe, just maybe he’d be able to eat at his table with his friends.

 

It’s with a happy and goofy smile that Sam ties his bike and makes his way up the stairs to the apartment they’re renting for the rest of the school year. Sam knows it’s only a matter of time before Dean’s done with track practice, his little talk with Mrs. A totally threw his schedule off but he figures that his brother will most likely be side tracked by the double chocolate cake he got him, which would give him some time to whip something up in the kitchen. Sam’s juggling with his many bags while looking for his keys; he sends a silent prayer to keep his gangly limbs from dropping the cake when he finally opens the door. He closes it quietly behind himself ready to run around and get everything ready, when he hears it, muffle voices coming from the kitchen. Sam makes his way to the kitchen curious to see what’s going on. He slows down a bit, molding his body to the wall before peeking into the room. He sees his father’s back straight with tension standing larger then life in their small kitchen. Sam had no idea that John would be around this weekend much less on Dean’s birthday…Although Sam would have preferred to have his brother to himself, he supposes that a real family dinner would mean so much more to Dean.

 

 

“I thought I told you to quit the track team” John’s voice booms into the small room.

 

“Obviously, I didn’t” Dean retorts in a typical teenage fashion, slouched low on his seat.

 

“Boy, don’t take that tone of voice with me…” Sam actually shivers at the tone his father uses. “You will show me some respect, you understand me?”

 

“Like you showed me, when you dragged me out of practice like a deranged man?” Dean scoffs before rolling his eyes. “What will my friends think? Huh?”

 

“You’ll probably never know” Sam can see his brother suddenly sitting straight.

 

“What? How, I’m pretty sure I’m gonna hear about it come Monday…”

 

“You’re 16 today son and now’s the time to take an active part in the family business…” John replies all matter of fact. There’s a pregnant pause, where Sam can actually see the anger, the rage building in his brother’s body.

 

“What family?” Dean shouts getting up so violently that the chair he was sitting on clatters to the ground. “The family you easily leave for weeks on end?” Dean’s in their father’s face now, standing straight so the inch or two missing between them seems insignificant. 

 

“What business? Hunting ghosts? Living poorly? Need I go on?” Dean spits the last words out.

 

“How about killing the thing that killed your mother…” John says voice dangerously low.

 

“She’s dead!” is the only thing Dean can scream before he stumbles back a step, surprise etched all over his face. Sam stays quiet, clenched fists shaking at his sides.

 

“Don’t you EVER…”Dean’s eyes brim with unshed tears. “lay a hand on me again…” He finishes rubbing at his bruised jaw.

 

“Dean…”John starts, body language losing its authority. “I never meant to, I…”

 

“If you lay a hand on my brother imma fucking kill you…” Dean spits out “Do you hear me?” 

 

Sam can feel the tears rolling down his cheeks as he angrily wipes them away, trying to stay quiet and unseen.

 

“Dean…” John starts voice heavy with emotion. “You’re my sons and I would rather die before I tried to do anything to hurt you, either of you…But you need to understand that the thing that killed your mom…” John breaks off staring into space.

 

“It might come back and take your brother…” Dean stiffens at that.

 

“What do you mean take Sammy?” Dean asks shaking slightly.

 

“You’re mom died in Sam’s nursery Dean…and I have a hunch that…” John starts before Dean interrupts him.

 

“A hunch? You want me to throw my life away for a hunch?” Dean says incredulity clear in his voice. 

 

“I love my brother; I do, and will protect him from anything and I mean absolutely ANYTHING that tries to hurt him… but you know what Dad…” Dean spits the last word out with disdain. 

 

“Come get me when you actually have a lead on the thing that killed mom…”

 

And that’s when Dean meets Sam’s gaze in the hallway, Sam’s scared for a second, scared that his brother will be angry at him for overhearing this painful argument but instead what he gets is Dean’s crooked smile as he nods his head towards the front door and mouths ‘Gimme 2 minutes..’ Sam nods silently and heads back the way he came from.

 

 

Sam waits outside, sitting on the last steps of the staircase, birthday cake box settled on his thighs. He gazes in the distance still shaking to the very core at what he just witnessed. He comes to at the gentle touch of his brother’s hand in his hair.

 

“Hey Sammy…”Dean whispers softly. And Sam, he just stares intently into his brother’s green, green eyes and he knows without a doubt, that in two years time, Dean will leave this life, leave hunting behind and what scares him the most is the thought of Dean leaving him behind. It’s with a sense of determination that Sam makes his decision, next fall, Sam Winchester will start the 9th grade at the age of twelve.


	7. And then I realised pt.1

  
Author's notes: Sam is 12 and Dean is 16....This snapshot takes place a couple of months after January 24th

**********************************************************  


* * *

The final bell signaling the end of the lunch period is about to ring, but looking at the juniors and seniors hanging out in the hallways and staircases without a care in the world, you’d think they had another 30 minutes to go. Sam curses as he makes his way through the different cliques, trying to balance the tower of books settled precariously on top of his arms, one false move and the stack AND Sam will go tumbling down. Sam wonders not for the first time what possessed him to take that placement test back in February making him skip, not one but two grades…The learning material he has to learn is more difficult then he thought, the work load is more then he’s used to and…

 

“If it isn’t Sam Witchgeeker…” A taunting voice says from up ahead. ‘Of course’ Sam mutters to himself as he steels himself for his daily verbal bashing. The school year has barely even started yet, considering they were only half way through the second week and Sam already managed to grab unwanted attention. He curses the fact that he appeared on the school paper, he knew the title ‘Boy Genius’ was going to come and bite him in the ass. He keeps his head up, planning on ignoring them all and continuing on his way, when someone roughly shoves him to the side, making him lose his hold on his books, he tries leaning forward and tightening his grip on them, only to be pushed again and face plant on the ground with a loud thud. He can hear the echo of laughter all throughout the hallway, people pointing and out right laughing. He doesn’t know what’s hurting him more, the ache he’ll feel for days to come or the humiliation that’s bound to follow him the rest of his high school career.

 

“Oops! My bad, guess I didn’t see you there Pointdexter” Billy Masters says sounding anything but sincere. 

 

 

Gritting his teeth, Sam decides to be the bigger person or at least in current circumstances the one with an higher IQ and lets it go, trying to gather his books quickly to head to class. He’s managed to gather them all in one big pile and is about to pick them up when Billy decides to keep up with his ‘funny’ antics and soccer kicks his books across the hall. Everything is silent for about five seconds before Billy and his jock asshole friends’ start pointing and laughing. Sam doesn’t need a mirror to know that he’s as red as a tomato. Gosh, his life sucks! Keeping his head lowered Sam tries picking up his books again, but mainly life’s a bitch because of course, Billy is not done with him yet.

 

“Such a freak aren’t you Pointdexter?” Billy taunts grabbing Sam by the collar of his shirt to haul him up only to slam him into a nearby locker. Sam can feel his heart pounding loudly in his chest, it’s not like he’s going to back out of a fight if push come to shove but he’s pretty sure he’s going to land in the hospital either way, Billy has at least a 120 pounds on Sam, being the school’s QB and all.

 

High school hierarchy make Billy and his friends practically royalty, so instead of intervening the students just gather around them , wanting front row seats in what is about to be a serious freshman pounding. Sam grits his teeth, thinking fuck all, he’s at least gonna get a hit in before getting his ass kicked.

 

 

“Man I don’t know what’s worse? You being dumber than a stack of rocks…” A voice says and the crowd suddenly parts as Dean and two of his buddies make their way to them. 

 

“Or you trying to beat up a twelve year old?” At the sound of his brother’s voice, Sam starts feeling relief wash through him. Like a damn knight in a shining armor, his brother is there to save the day.

 

 

“Not now Winchester!” Billy growls, pulling his fist back ready to pummel Sam’s face in. When suddenly his arm is grabbed roughly from the side and he’s spinning around only to be slammed face first into a row of lockers, arm twisted painfully behind his back, shoulder aching from the angle.

 

“Thing is asshole…That’s my baby brother you were trying to pummel there…” There’s a collective gasp from the crowd at Dean’s words. Like the rest of them, Sam is in shock, not by his brother’s strength, although Dean holding Billy down, Billy who has 50 pounds of muscles over his brother is quite the sight, but it’s his brother’s protectiveness that makes Sam feel…flustered

 

“Dude…Fuck…you’re hurting my arm there…” Billy growls trying to push back only to have his arm twisted more.

 

“So?” Dean states. “You were hurting my brother, the least I can do is break your arm right?” He continues. “Right…dude” He mocks.

 

“Hey man…it’s not funny okay!” One of Billy’s friend says from somewhere behind them.

 

“Oh? And bullying a twelve year old is so much funnier right?” Dean scoffs not loosening his grip.

 

“Dean…One of the hall monitors went to get Principal Turner…” One of Dean’s friends, a guy named Kevin warns.

 

 

“We gotta bounce, live!” He adds. Dean nods before letting go of Billy. Billy just kinda sags against the lockers rubbing his shoulder painfully before turning around and facing the crowd. He can already see the other students whispering among themselves.

 

“Grabs his books, big shot!” Dean demands pointing at the discarded books on the ground.

 

“What? There is no…” Billy trails off as he sees the look on Dean’s face. He grumbles to himself, talking about payback, kicking Dean’s ass and him being lucky. After grabbing the books he turns towards Sam and sneers, mouthing ‘this isn’t over’. He hands over the books and is about to walk away when Dean calls him again.

 

“Hey Masters…” Billy barely has time to turn around before blinding pain explodes across his jaw.

 

“Don’t touch my brother again” Dean spits pulling his hand back. Slowly the other students leave the hall, fight and entertainment over for now, ready to head to class.

 

Sam’s rooted to the spot, staring at his brother’s profile. Just before school started Dean had implied that Sam was more than welcome to hang with him and his friends at school. Sam had declined, not wanting to bring his brother’s coolness down a few notches for being seen with him. He had wanted to do the right thing, give his brother space and the liberty not to be with him all the time. He figured that wanting to be by your brother’s side 24/7 was a little weird considering how old he was…But being around Dean always made him feel so safe, so loved that giving it up if only for a couple hours a day was becoming more and more taxing on Sam…which was confusing and probably….

 

“Earth to Sammy…”Dean says standing in front of his brother, hands under his chin to make him look at him. And Sam…He just stares at his brother, at the pink-reddish flush of his cheeks from the anger he was no doubt concealing, to the freckles standing out, little brown dots… so… Sam couldn’t even name what he felt as he stared into Dean’s green intense eyes, he wondered if it was because he almost got beat up that made his knees so damn weak and wobbling.

 

“Yeah…” Sam whispers licking his lips.

 

“I’ll walk you to class…”


	8. And then I realised pt.2

  
Author's notes: It's been awhile, but my muse came...so here i am!  
Takes places a couple of months after the first part.  
Sam is 12 and Dean is 16

**********************************************************

 

* * *

An ACDC song that Sam didn’t quite recognize was playing in the back round, it was one of Dean’s many kirks, getting ready with music on. It was still early for a Friday night, the boys having been left to their own devices days ago. It was just the two of them and Sam was glad, because it meant less tension in the household. Ever since Dean made it clear that he didn’t want anything to do with hunting. John had been more distant and absent. Dean had struck a nerve when he’d told John that he wouldn’t put his or Sammy’s life in danger anymore, vengeance be damned! So more often than not, it would just be the two of them and sometimes Bobby, when he’d come down to check up on them. Sam had long ago, learned to deal with their dad’s issues and lack of presence in their lives. And to be honest, Sam liked the feeling of coming home to Dean or vice versa. It made him crave things that he didn’t quite understand...

 

 

Since the start of the school year, the brothers haven’t had many opportunities to spend some quality time together, between Dean getting ready for SAT’s and taking extra curricular science courses and Sam being the youngest 9th grader at age 12 to attend St-Morrison High, well let’s just say that both boys were pretty busy. Even with their hectic schedules they still made time for each other...well Dean did, since he was the one with an actual social life and all. Friday nights meant going to the drive-in and watching endless movies, going from action to horror and just plain horsing around. Sam liked to call those nights ‘date night’, he knew what teenagers did on Friday nights and hanging out with their kid brother wasn’t it. Knowing Dean chose him every week-end over hot willing girls made Sam feel giddy inside.

 

 

“Dude! Gross!” Sam calls out, coming back to reality and to his brother posing in his shirt and boxers.

 

“What??” Dean mock shouts.

 

“Sorry Sammy, can’t hear you over my bulging biceps!” Dean continues flexing his arms in front of their full length mirror .

 

“You know what you’re doing is called?” Sam asks rolling his eyes at his brother’s antics.

 

“Admiring a work of art?” Dean states pushing his chest out while staring at the way his pecs pushed against the material of his green t-shirt. Sam gulped as he too admired Dean’s body, he wasn’t the track team’s captain for nothing after all...

 

 

“Nar…” Sam coughs feeling his throat go dry. “Narcissism…”

 

“Call me a narcissist all you want Sammykins …” Dean says before pulling off his t-shirt and throwing it in Sam’s general direction. 

 

“But, I’m looking quite fine if I do say so myself...”

 

 

“Argh! Put a shirt on dude!” Sam squeaks eyes widening at the sight of so much skin.

 

“Nobody wants to see that!” He adds as an afterthought feeling his heart practically rattling inside his ribcage.

 

“Don’t hate, string bean,” Dean teases admiring his abs.

 

“Someday you’ll be big and strong...” He calls out leaving their shared bedroom to grab a quick shower.

 

 

Sam closes his eyelids under the familiar burn of tears, left hand feeling out the mattress to grab Dean's discarded shirt. As long as he could remember, Dean's smell was always something he associated with home. He'd heard stories from John and Bobby, on how he'd bawl his eyes out as soon as his brother left his sight for more then 20 minutes, how he'd cry himself sick when Dean first started school, how the only thing that made him stop was holding on to a shirt his brother had worn or slept in...As he grew older, Dean's smell helped keep the nightmares away when the older boy would let him share his bed, he'd snuggle close and hide his face in the crook of Dean's neck...As a child he hadn't needed a blanket or a toy not when he had his very own Dean, taking care of him and holding him whenever he wanted to. Dean was safety, loyalty and love all wrapped up in a unique package...

 

 

A few tears leaked from Sam's eyes as he inhaled his brother's scent, earthy and strong, strapped into green fabric. The stirring of arousal was as familiar to him as the nauseous feeling accompanying it ...


	9. And then I realised pt.3

  
Author's notes: ***********Sam is almost 13 and Dean is 17****************  


* * *

His arms were held in front of him, hands sliding against the shower wall, fingers flexing under the strain to keep from touching himself. Sam stood motionless under the spray of water, undecided between the chilling water pouring down his body or the warm water he craved. He kept his head down, eyes closed...As if his close lids could make him forget his cock, standing tall and proud against his body...Try as he may he couldn't calm down, as much as the water chilled his body making his skin start to pebble with goosebumps, his erection wouldn't go down...

 

*********************************************************

Earlier

 

Sam was sprawled carelessly on the couch, eyes fixed on the TV screen, forgotten bowl of cereal sitting on his lap as he watched Dragon Ball Z.

 

“Dude?!” Dean calls out from down the hall. “Is that Dragon Ball?”

 

“Huh huh” Sam mumbles, snickering when he hears Dean grumble something about 'traitors and it was my show first'.

 

“What did I miss bitch?”Dean asks, entering the living room, hair still dripping from his earlier shower.

 

“Nothin...” Sam starts “Dude get OFF” He yelps as Dean tries to sit on him, effectively blocking his view from the screen.

 

“What's that Sammy? Can't hear you?” Dean answers laughing trying unsuccessfully to sit on Sam's lap.

 

“DEEEEE” Sam whines. “You gonna make me spill my cereal...” He pouts before his brother relents on his antics while rolling his eyes. 

 

“So what's the deal now?” Deans asks again, settling next to his younger brother before leaning forward to grab the nearly spilled cereal from Sam's lax hands. Dean starts eating from the bowl, munching at the soggy pieces of Captain Crunch. And Sam just stares as his brother eats his breakfast, using the same spoon Sam had minutes before...It wasn't exactly uncommon for them to share food, hell Sam vaguely remembers his four years old self only wanting to eat when his brother fed him from his plate, remembers the little song they used for each bite...'First bite is for Dee and the second one is for Sammy...' Back then, he was pretty sure he didn't imagine himself licking off the stray drops of milk from his brother's bottom lip...

 

“ So?”Dean's says nudging his thigh to get his attention. And yeah, now is so not the time to realize that they're both in only shirts and boxers.

 

“You know the fighting sequences last for like 10 episodes...so basically what happened last Saturday is happening right now...As in Vegeta is getting his ass kicked by that green dude named Cell...”

 

“See it wasn't so bad, now was it? If you'd have lost the sarcastic undertone it might have been delightful...” Dean teases smiling at him. Which made Sam smile right back, how could he not when he had Dean's entire focus on him? After that it was pretty silent in the living room, watching cartoons during the weekend has been a tradition of theirs since baby Sammy crawled in front of the TV screen and cooed at Tweety Bird narrowly escaping getting eaten by the black and white cat. It was their time and Sam wouldn't change it for the world, even now...Even sitting so close to his brother, feeling the heat coming off his body...It was getting more difficult being around Dean nowadays, being so close and not being able to touch...He wasn't touch deprived by any means, if there's one thing that haven't change throughout the years is his brother's easy affection towards him...A ruffle in the hair here, a well placed hug there...Sam just wanted more...He wondered not for the first time if it really was all one-sided, or if perhaps his older brother felt the same...But he knew it was wishful thinking on his part...He felt his heart grow heavy at the thought, and without noticing it he'd attached himself at his brother's side, head tucked in the crook of Dean's neck. And Dean being Dean had just accepted it, holding Sam close. Sam had felt himself drifting on and off, lulled to sleep by his brother's breathing.

 

“Sammy...Sammy, hey, wake up...” Sam hears vaguely as he tries to fall back asleep, trying to go back to that place where Dean felt the same and had him pinned to a wall while grinding against him, he wondered what Dean would do if he dropped to his knees to suck on his...

 

“SAM!” Sam startles awake and rubs at his sore shoulder where his brother had obviously punched him, the jerk.

 

“What?” Sam grouches.

 

“Dude...” Dean coughs, ears strangely pink. “ you were humping my thigh...”

 

Sam had been mortified, staring at his brother for a couple of seconds before bolting to the bathroom.

 

**********************************************************

 

Sam wonders if he'd said his brother's name out loud, wonders with a mix of fear and longing if his brother knows he was dreaming about him, about being with him like that. Sam's hands come off the wall as he switches the dials and turns on the hot water,hands shaking as he starts stroking his aching flesh...trying to recapture his dream...where Dean loved him...that way...


	10. And then I realised pt.4

  
Author's notes: ***** Takes place about 2 months after the last part, Sam is 13 and Dean is 17* Also i'd like to dedicate this part to Jolieblon, thnx for the many reviews!*****************  


* * *

Sam can feel tears prickle his closed lids, can feel the burn of them between his lashes and hopes to God he doesn't start crying while Dean is still in their room. Sam is laying on his side, facing the wall, wishing he was deaf so he wouldn't have to hear Dean getting ready. His fists are closed, so tight that he can feel the bite of nails digging into his palms...His chest feels like its gonna explode, like someone reached inside his torso and is holding his heart prisoner,it feels like it's being held into a vise-like grip...

 

Sam bites his bottom lip hard, hoping the metallic taste of blood filling his mouth grounds him...Instead he feels his emotional wall start crashing down, starts to hear the familiar sniffles coming from his nose as he tries to breathe quietly....He can hear somewhere to his right, Dean moving around their room, humming Metallica to himself...

 

“ How do you I look?” Dean asks somewhat nervously, staring at himself in front of their full length mirror.

 

“Ok...” Sam replies after a few beats of silence, trying to find his voice, swallowing the taste of bile suddenly filling his mouth.

 

“Gee, thanks squirt!” Dean snaps. “Mind actually looking at me?”

 

Sam squeezes his eyes shut, desperately trying to keep his tears in check, feeling one and then two more traitorous drops rolling down his cheeks. 

 

“You look great…” Sam mumbles, cursing himself silently as he hears his voice break.

 

“Happy now!” He adds putting as much bitchiness as he can muster up, it's too late though, he knows without even looking up that his brother's eyes are on him.

 

“You okay Sammy?” Dean asks softly walking over to his brother’s bed, hovering over Sam's curled up form. He's worried now, big brother instincts beeping loudly in his head...Maybe he should cancel his date with Melodie, he'd been looking forward to it all week long but it seemed like Sam needed him... He knows without a doubt that if he'd call Mel right now and tell her he needed to take care of his younger brother she'd understand...

 

“Leave me alone…” Sam pleads, pulling his knees up to his chest.

 

“Please...” He begs.

 

“What's going on?” Dean asks. 

 

“ Is it the jocks? Are they bothering you again?” Dean suddenly feels angry, he swears to God, if it's them, he's gonna rip them apart!

 

If Sam wasn't seconds away from breaking down, he'd laugh at his brother's protectiveness...He'd laugh and feel loved...

 

“Sammy…” Dean tries again, hoping the plea is clear in his voice, seeing his younger brother hurt or in pain never sat well with him.

 

“Talk to me...” He whispers, right hand inches away from Sam's trembling shoulder. The barest touch of his fingertips has Sam flinching away as if he'd been burned. Dean suddenly feels hurt and it just grows as he sees his hand hovering in the air...uselessly. Dean can't even recall a time when his brother ever avoided his touch...He feels oddly out of sync with himself...

 

Sam shutting him out feels like his arm's been chopped off, it feels brutal...The hurt fades in the back round replacing itself by anger.

 

 

“Well fuck you, you little brat” Dean spits angrily before storming out of their room. 

 

Sam waits until he hears the roar of the impala as his brother drives off to finally let himself cry.


	11. Journal entry # 10

  
Author's notes: *****This is set between pt. 2 and 3 of And then I realised**************  


* * *

I wonder if I'm normal...

Is it normal?

Looking at my brother under my bangs.

Peaking at my brother, hoping to see...

I'm not sure what I want TO SEE..

Wide shoulders? Broad back? Muscled thighs?

Maybe I wan to see his cock...See it flushed and aroused...for me...

WHAT DO I WANT?

A kiss? A fuck?

 

I had a dream last night...I dreamt of my brother pulling me to my hands and knees, 

of him grabbing me by the hips and dragging me towards his dick...

He was fucking into me so hard...

and I want that...

 

Does it make me gay?

 

Guys are hot, they can be hot...I know that...

Girls are (not) my type...

 

I want Dean...There! Even if I can't say it out loud,

I wrote it...and mean it...

 

I want Dean.

I want Dean.

I want Dean...so much, I feel like I can't breathe sometimes...

 

And that's not normal...

 

I'm not normal...I'm a freak...


	12. Green is the colour that I love

  
Author's notes: This takes place after 'And then I realised pt.2' Sam is 12 almost 13 and Dean is 17*******************************  


* * *

Sam feels himself drifting on and off, his body lethargic and heavy due to his sickness and a heavy dose of Nyquil. Sam's head is fuzzy and he feels disoriented every time whatever caught up with him requires a hasty bathroom intervention. Throwing up, sucks! And If Sam has any say in it, he'll never get drunk, so he won't ever feel like he threw up his liver, how the hell did Dean manage that anyway? That one time he stole one of Bobby's old Scotch...Sam feels like he's all over the place, like every time a thought comes up another one appears out of the nowhere and who would have thought he thought that much? Yeah, there's probably a joke somewhere, and Sam's just not getting it.

 

“Hey there Sammy....” And wow, where did his brother come from? And what was the question again?

 

“Sam...” Dean starts only stopping to snort a laugh. 

 

“What in God's name are you doing?” Okay,so Sam must admit that operation 'get out from under the covers and see where your brother's at', is a definite bust. Sam is still trying to figure out how he can untangle himself from his taco prison when he feels his brother's arm tighten around him.

 

 

“Oh...” Sam whispers in a moment of clarity. That explains the warmth he feels right about now and suddenly his escape plan doesn't seem like a priority anymore...Staying in his brother's arms for the next...forever seems about right. Sam can feel himself shiver out of, he isn't sure. Dean overload probably...

 

“Shit, think the fever's back up?” Dean asks before he untangles himself from his younger brother's form, making sure to bundle him up properly under the mountain of covers before leaving his side.

 

“Okay, Sammy...Open up” His brother states, waving a thermometer in front of his face. Sam snorts thinking 'I'm not a baby dude' but the unimpressed look Dean sends his way means he probably said that out loud. Sam reluctantly does as he's told, grumbling about it until his eyes settle on his brother's features. Dean looks like he's about to drop on his feet, dark bags under his eyes, face pasty white making his freckles stand out.

 

“Alright, that's actually better then I thought...” Dean mumbles to himself setting the thermometer back into its plastic envelop before letting it drop on the nightstand.

 

“Dee...” Sam croaks, unable to continue as his voice trails off. His throat feels scratchy and raw, the inside of his mouth feels like someone had forced fed him sand mixed with some dry wall.

 

“Here, drink this...” Dean says as he grabs a tall glass of light orange liquid from the nightstand while pulling his younger brother up into a sitting position. Only Dean could make multitasking an art form Sam thinks before grabbing the offered glass thankfully, draining it all in one go only to start coughing up what feels like his lungs and maybe part of his oesophagus. 

 

Only after the coughing fit lets up does Sam realize that his brother is rubbing soothing circles around his back, humming a song Sam's pretty sure he hasn't heard in years...

 

“What time is it?” Sam whispers feeling himself fall back asleep.

 

“Mmm...Sometime around 6 A.M I'd say...” His brother whispers back. Sam nods before he realizes something.

 

“Did you sleep at all?” At his brother's noncommittal shrug Sam suddenly finds himself wide awake.

 

“Dean! You have classes today and if I remember correctly a chemistry exam.” Sam states sternly and Dean can't help but smile at the image his brother makes because with his bedhead and oversized shirt, Sam's miles away from looking stern...He looks more like a little doe-eyed puppy.

 

 

“ And you were sick...” Dean replies calmly like it's no big deal.

 

“I'm not a baby Dean, I can take care of myself...”

 

Dean tries not to be offended by his brother's words, knows that Sam's almost thirteen now and he shouldn't baby him as much...

 

“You were throwing up all night and had fever Sam...What was suppose to do? Turn a blind eye and let you choke on your vomit?” 

 

Sam feels about two feet tall at his brother's reply. He remembers some of last night and it's a given that he wouldn't have been able to handle this by himself.

 

“It's just...I don't want to be a burden...” Sam states softly staring at his hands instead of his brother's face. He knows how people from school portray him...He's Sam Winchester dork extraordinaire that can't do anything right if Dean 'awesome, popular, athletic, smart, beautiful' Winchester isn't there to hold his hand.

 

“You can't be serious....” Dean answers as he settles himself back on Sam's bed, so they're laying side by side.

 

“I don't know...it's not like you ever had a choice you know?” Sam says referring to John and the way he drilled into Dean's head that taking care of Sam was the most important thing.

 

“You're my brother Sam, why would taking care of you be a hardship?” 

 

Sam shrugs feeling his eyes sting.

 

“I just...” Sam sniffles. “ I don't want you to end up resenting me for it...”

 

“Come here...” Dean says, pulling his younger brother into his arms.

 

“Let me tell you a story...” Dean whispers as he settles more comfortably on the bed, Sam's body a welcomed weight along his chest.

 

“Back when I was around three and a half years old, mom and dad told me I was gonna be a big brother...I wasn't exactly thrilled because apparently I wanted a dog...Anyway...I had nine months to see you grow inside mom's tummy...She made me talk to you sometimes and you'd kick and I was so excited every time you did...And when you were born, somehow in my head you went from being my baby brother Sam, to 'MY' baby...I thought you were mine Sam...” Dean trails off.

 

“And when everything went to shit...And Dad became John...and we lost a mom, well...I had my baby with me...so it couldn't have been all that bad...”

 

Sam can feel himself nod through his tears, left hand grabbing as much of his brother's shirt while the right one clutches the ever present amulet around Dean's neck.

 

“So no Sam....I could never resent you...”

 

“I love you Dee....” Sam whispers feeling nauseous realizing that sooner or later his brother would end up resenting him.

 

-I love you, I'm IN love with you- Sam thinks to himself as he falls back asleep.


	13. This is what forever feels like

  
Author's notes: For those of you reading, sorry for the long delay RL has been hectic, I'll try to update more often, so to apologise I wrote you guys a longer snapshot.... :) :) :)

********** Dean is 34 and Sam is 30**********************  


* * *

Sam was going over some files, trying to cram as much work as he possibly could before his next meeting with a potential client. He had quite the reputation as a lawyer from the Wyatt & Smith firm, his winning streak in complicated cases over the last three years had the positive effect of solidifying his place among the older lawyers from the company. All in all, life was good. It's with a little smile on his face that he answers his secretary on the intercom.

 

 

“Hey Sam, I know you asked not to be disturbed today but that hunk of a husband of yours wants to talk to you.”

 

“Thank you Melanie.” Sam replies before answering line 1.

 

“Dr. Winchester, what can I do for you on this lovely afternoon...” Sam purrs, voice gone all gravely.

 

“Mmm, how about bending over that sturdy oak desk of yours, to see if it could handle your weight...I've been thinking about fucking you on that thing for while now...So maybe on my next visit....” Dean trails off.

 

 

Sam actually closes his eyes for a few seconds, imagining himself griping the edge of his desk while Dean pounds his ass as he tries to muffle his moans with his tie, having made a makeshift gag with it...Sam groans at the image, feeling the familiar flush going to his cheeks and heat pool low in his belly, now really wasn't the time to get a 'stiffy'. Not when he was meeting a client in half an hour.

 

“Shut up jerk!” Sam grumbles, feeling his dick twitch at the sound of Dean's rich laughter.

 

“ Aw, did I make Sammykins all hot and bothered...” Dean teases good naturally.

 

“Did you call just to annoy me? If so, I'll be hanging up now...” He retorts, without any real heat behind his words. It's silly and Dean would probably mock him if he knew, not that he doesn't already, but he loves the fact that his brother checks up on him on a daily basis. 

 

 

Before or after going into surgery Dean would call, just to say 'hey' or to complain about the nurses checking him out, it could last between 30 seconds to 30 minutes but all the same, he calls, always. At first Sam thought it was a brother thing, because although they've been together for over 16 years, they were always brothers first, then lovers and partners and now husbands. But now, he realizes that it's just a Dean thing that combines everything that they represent to each other...It's just...

 

“Oh my lord, I can hear the girly thoughts from here!” Dean complains. “Knock it off princess...” 

 

“Oh, whatever you love me!” Sam laughs, hearing his brother muttering things to himself about 'girly husbands and chick flick moments'.

 

“Chick flick moment aside. The shit is about to hit the fan over here, and I was smart enough to talk to the Chief about taking the weekend off...” Dean starts off.

 

“You mean you won at rock, paper, scissors with Dr. Pelletier haven't you?” Sam adds thinking about the gullible cardio surgeon working with his brother.

 

“Baby, you don't understand, the emergency room is empty....Do you hear me EMPTY! It's only a matter of time before some douche bag does something incredibly STUPID on the highway or in a school or what the fuck ever, that will endanger the lives of, with my luck 50 people, that will somehow all have some kind of cardiac problem...So Dr. Pelletier bless his heart will deal with that with the senior residents...Because I had to the deal with that shit two weeks ago, while the fucker was supposedly SICK?...” 

 

Sam was trying real hard not to laugh, it was always hilarious hearing Dean go on a rant about a possible hospital conspiracy going against him.

 

“De? I'm gonna have to go real soon...” Sam interrupts, repressing his giggles, because Dean babbling? Always priceless.

 

“Anyways, besides you being rude to me in my time of need...” Sam rolls his eyes at his brother's antics. 

 

“I wanted to make sure you didn't have any cases to go over during the weekend...” Sam sits up straighter at that, the possibility of sexing it up with his husband always makes him...horny.

 

“I think that could be arranged...” 

 

“I thought maybe we could 'play' this weekend...Explore our kinks so to speak...” Dean coughs at the end, feeling himself getting hard. 

 

“Whatcha say love?” He adds.

 

“I have a meeting in five and now I have to think about Bobby in a thong to get ride of my erection...” They both shudder at the mental image. 

 

“Thanks a lot jackass!” 

 

“Love you baby, break a leg!” 

 

“Fuck off, jerk...” Sam pouts at the fact that Dean, always, ALWAYS manages to get him in those types of predicaments read: horny, while he's at the office. He's half tempted to hang up but adds before, 

 

“Love you De”

 

**********************************************************

 

 

Dean hums to himself as he heads towards the locker room to change. Today was a pretty good day, all things considered, he had 3 surgeries and all of them had gone beautifully. No complications, no cardiac arrest or respiratory failure, nothing, nothing at all. And that's exactly why, he made sure to ask for the weekend off, it's only a matter of time, hours probably, before the emergency room and OR explodes with new patients. He doesn't mind staying at the hospital for 36 to 48 hours and sometimes 60 hour shifts, resting when he can and living off coffee, but not all the time. He knows he drew the short straw out of things, being one of the youngest cardio surgeon meant that he had to prove his worth over and over again which meant being stuck at the hospital more often then not. He loves his job, feels like he's walking on cloud nine when he's able to save a life, but he's not willing to sacrifice his marriage for it. He won't make the same mistake twice...

 

“Heard you were escaping the gates of hell this weekend...” Dr. Roberts says entering the locker room to change into his uniform to start his 36 hour shift.

 

“Oh yeah, some of us have some hot sex to catch up on...” Dean replies pulling a sweater over his plain white t-shirt.

 

“Woah, Winchester say no more, I really don't want to know...Trust me!” Dr. Roberts says shaking his head and making the universal peace sign.

 

“It's enough that ALL the women working on my floor have fantasies, that they actually TALK about during break, about you and that lawyer of yours...” 

 

“ Aw, good times!” Dean answers with a smug smile thinking back at last year's Christmas party, where he and Sam were caught having sex in a supply closet.

 

“Say no more and leave man!” 

 

“Don't have to tell me twice...”

 

 

**********************************************************

 

Sam wanted to be home, like yesterday. After Dean's motivating phone call, he had planned on getting home early, had actually imagined himself beating his brother to the house and waiting for him naked in their bed...But life, apparently didn't want him getting multiple orgasms as soon as possible because his meeting had lasted longer then he anticipated, including having to talk to another lawyer for advice and having to look over MORE paperwork had him leaving the firm at a quarter to seven...Because life apparently was a bitch and hated him, there was also a delay, an hour delay due to some traffic accident on the bridge that would lead him home. He'd tried calling Dean's cell a couple of times to make sure the older man didn't worry about his whereabouts only to have all his calls go straight to voice mail, he'd tried their house phone only to have the same result. He wondered briefly if his husband was mad at him, he knew they hadn't agreed to any specific time for him to be home at, but he knew it was a given that it was suppose to be sometime after five or six at the latest, and now seeing that it was almost nine made Sam feel edgy and nervous. He knew deep down that it was stupid, they hadn't fought over their jobs taking priority over their relationship in over 3 years, Dean had kept his promise and they made it work but having the tables turned on him, made Sam realize how he'd jumped to so many conclusions concerning his brother back then...

 

It was 9:05, when Sam finally arrived home. 

 

 

**********************************************************

 

 

Sam had to breathe in deep as he closed the door behind himself. Even after all this time, all these years...Hell? Dean wasn't anywhere near him and he was already half hard. As he got his bearings leaning against their front door, his other senses took control. The first thing that assaulted his senses, were the different aromas drifting through their home ; rich chocolate, cinnamon, vanilla, probably the vanilla scented candles they received at the Christmas exchange last year and the smell of burning wood. It all felt nice and homey and Sam couldn't stop the small smile that graced his features as he started stripping out of his work clothes. It was while pulling his boxers off that he heard it, over the noise of Dean cooking and chopping, was music. Sam stood naked, head titled to the side as he tried to recognize the song. There were no singers or lyrics, just instruments, guitars to be exact, with a rough base to it. It was rhythmic and...Sam felt himself blush, from his neck to his chest. Dean wasn't a Barry White kinda guy, he really didn't need anything to set the mood, but every once in awhile he'd put instrumental music on, with a strong base that had a ground-y feel to it while they had sex, and he followed the rhythm to a T, snapping his hips to the beat while hitting Sam's prostate head on, making him crazy with want, making him want it faster and harder and...Sam whimpered at the thought, his cock twitching excitedly as it lengthened. He bought himself some time as he started to fold his clothes in a neat little pile, placing them on the hallway table near the door.

 

Naked and shameless Sam strode confidently into their kitchen and just stopped...Dean was at the counter, looking delicious in nothing but a pair of black boxers. His hair looking soft and product free from a recent shower. His skin looking moist with little droplets of water rolling down his back as he chopped and cut ingredients and Sam wanted, oh lord did he want. He strode towards him, standing directly behind him, a hair's breath away. And Sam, he wanted to possess his brother, wanted to bend him over, he wanted in. He didn't feel this way very often, always content and pleased with being in the receiving end and he knew that if he did ask, Dean would let him...He nuzzled his brother's neck, lips never far behind as he kissed each knob of his lover's spine, stopping at his left shoulder blade, mouthing at the numbers 97/07/22 in black lettering before dropping to his knees. Sam's head was bowed, as he rubbed his forehead back and forth over Dean's side, knees bracketing one muscular calf that he rutted against, leaving streaks of precum behind. His hands massaging his brother's thigh, crept higher under the silky cloth, fingers caressing heavy balls.

 

“Nice of you to finally join me baby...” Dean breathes out, wiping his hands on a washcloth before turning slowly around, his brother very much attached to his lower body. 

 

“Thought maybe I was getting ditched...” As Dean says the words, his lover's hands pull at the waistband of his boxers, making them fall at his feet. His cock bobs up and down, he's been hard since he heard the front door open.

 

“I'm sorry...” Sam replies, leaning in to nuzzle his shaft.

 

“How sorry are you?” Dean asks, as he grabs a fistful of his brother's hair, pulling his head up to stare down at him. Their gazes clash for a few seconds, heat and hunger both visible in their staring contest.

 

“Very...” Sam answers opening his mouth as Dean guides his head to his throbbing erection. Sam relaxes his throat and starts sucking right away. It's sloppy with no fitness, it's just Dean shoving his cock down his throat and him drooling all over the place and loving every second of it. He hallows his cheeks, trying to suck harder, hands fondling Dean's sack to bring him to completion faster. He feels his lover's balls tighten under his touch, knows he's close to coming, feels the first spurts of come going down his throat before Dean suddenly pulls out, shooting all over his face and neck. 

Sam stays where he is, on his knees, eyes closed as he licks his lips of come. Dean's hand loosen on his hair and caresses his scalp gently before going down to his neck, stroking the baby fine hairs at the back his head. Sam almost purrs at the gentle touch, before Dean pulls him up to his feet.

 

“Such a freak Sammy...” Dean murmurs, hands on either side of the other man's head as he brings him closer for a kiss. He groans as their mouths meet, the strong taste of his come making him want to go at it again, making him want to lie Sam on the counter top and just lick him all over.

 

“Wanting to get punished every time you come home late...” He adds, breaking the kiss, fingers rubbing his come all over his brother's face.

 

“You love it...” Sam answers leaning into his husband's caress. “Love having me on my knees...”

 

“Such a little slut...”

 

“Love marking me with your come...” Sam says moaning as Dean's hand closes around his cock. It takes half a dozen strokes, Sam already near the edge from their rough play before he comes, coating his lover's hand with his semen.

 

“Love tasting your come...” Dean replies winking, bringing his hand to his mouth and licking it clean. Sam groans at the sight before crashing their mouths together, licking and nibbling his brother's lips and getting everything right back. Dean's hands pull at Sam's hair again, angling his head the right way before caressing his muscular back, fingers stopping where his tattoo's twin resides on his brother's right shoulder blade. His hands continue their journey downward, till he reaches the firm globes of his lover's ass cheeks, nimble fingers kneading the flesh.

 

“Hey...” Dean whispers breaking their kiss, only to rest their foreheads together, sharing the same air.

 

“Hey...” Sam whispers back, touching their lips together, a soft gasp escaping his lips as Dean's fingers play with his hole, fingertips circling the rim.

 

“That was pretty hot...”

 

Sam snorts, rolling his eyes at his brother. 

 

“I mean it babe, we should have filmed that shit...” Dean says wiggling his eyes brows.

 

“Dude, we got like, a dozen of those already...”

 

“When we're old and grey, I'm gonna need some reminders of how freaking awesome I was in the sack”

 

“Yes, Dee, you rock my world like nobody's business...” Sam deadpans, yelping at the sudden pain on his backside. 

 

“Such a sarcastic little bitch!” Dean growls playfully, nipping at the other man's jaw before licking the side of his face to reach his earlobe. “Grab a shower love, cuz you reek of sex...” He murmurs, gently nipping at Sam's ear.

 

 

“You gonna join me?”

 

“Hell yeah!!!”.


End file.
